When I was studying, sometimes I got homework to do I didn't even know where to start. So I started with a part I thought I had some kind of idea and tried to solve it step by step, like a puzzle. At work, I had been given different kind of tasks and always, when it happened that I first didn't know what I should do - I used that same method. It made me feel I can do it, and I was confident with myself.
When it came to big choices in life, the puzzle was not always too easy. I understood that big things are not always clear, not this or that but something in between. There are a lot of things that you can't control, even if you'd like to. I learned that there are a lot of situations where it's just best to follow your feelings to be able to make the right choice. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't.
Little did I know about life.
My husband and I, we were given a precious little daughter, weeks too early. She was weak and so tiny, and she was fighting for life. I got to hold her on my lap the first time when she was five days old, and even though I was overwhelmed with the happiness, I also felt insecure and scared - really not confident at all. I did understand that we were supposed to take care of this tiny little girl, but at the same time we felt we didn't have a clue how we should do it.
So, we became parents of a premature baby. Suddenly, the life was happening at the hospital. We got used to many things, even started to feel confident with some of them, step by step.
But little did we know.
Two and a half years later, we became parents of twins. Having one toddler and two babies at home meant a lot to do, lack of sleep and days full of schedules. I might have tried to solve a puzzle again, piece by piece - but realized that this was a puzzle that I never really could solve. I was able to put some pieces on the right places but never had time to complete it all. Or something just came in between and I never really remembered I had ever started with it.
So little did I know.
But now I know more. I have realized that becoming a parent and the parenting itself, it is the biggest challenge of all. It is a task (well, multiple tasks) you want to accomplish the best possible way but it is a hard way to go. It means situations you had never thought you would see, it means things you never expected, it means getting it in control but losing it again. So often you think you know what is best and suddenly, you have no idea.
But even though the difficult parts of the puzzle can make you feel desperate at times, a puzzle lover knows this, too: it is the journey you enjoy as well. Getting some pieces on the right places is good, too. And what else have I learnt?
This one, that I'm working on, it is MY puzzle. And how much I enjoy it.