Listening to the silence around me. Going around and around in our house, like I never were there before. I don't even remember very well how I got there this time. I must have walked to my car, checked a dozen of times if my phone is with me, and driven back home.
I read the letter my daughter's teacher had written to the parents. Leaving your child at school on the first day, it is a big deal. It truly is. She wrote she had seen many parents sitting in their cars on the school's front yard on that first day - and crying. It is a moment when you realize that something has changed. It is a big day, and you will never forget it. You are so proud and happy, and at the same time you are worried and sad.
This morning, I woke up early. I was a little bit worried if we have enough time to get prepared, though, but we did it. Actually, we were among the first ones who arrived. Me and my kids, carrying three backpacks and three lunchboxes and three water bottles (and a whole bunch of other things) and trying to look brave. Well, to be honest, I think we looked more like confused.
But it started ok. And it went on ok. Had some moments when I nearly cried when I saw my four-year-olds crying. That's ok, you can cry if you think you need to. And then you cry and eventually, you stop crying. Easy to say, right.
I love this community where I now belong to. So many nice people asking if you're ok as they also know how this day is like. Yes, I'm ok. I just dropped my three kids off and I'm supposed to get over it. Yes, I will. But it takes a while. I talked to many who I knew already, and to many others as well. And they all seemed to know. Someone had really thought of us parents as there was coffee and snacks available around 9am. And shoulders to cry on.
What are you going to do when you get home?? - No idea, really. I had decided that I don't make any plans for today. I'll just see what comes across. I'll be ready to rush back to the school if needed. I'll just sit. I'll have lunch, alone (how should I do that?). And so I came home, wandered a bit around, listened to the silence. Had a lunch, and a cup of coffee on the porch under the hot September sun, and yes, did some cleaning and other housework, too. I needed to do something that would keep me away of thinking too much how they are doing at school.
I got three happy kids back. They had had some 'not-so-good' moments but, for the most part, it had been just ok. My son told me himself he had been crying because I wasn't there - but he was totally fine by that time when I arrived. My four-year-old daughter had done pretty well most of the day and my oldest one had been totally happy all day long. So far so good.
These little birds live next to us. The nest is so close to our dining room window that we can see it from inside. And today, really, TODAY, I saw they were just about to start the flying practice. They stood up in the nest and tried to spread their wings a bit. And I started to think that I really needed to see this today.
A Big Day.