A special day

It's like the days usually are, and still it isn't. It's my ninth Mother's Day as a mother myself. It feels special every year, even though it's full of everyday things that you are so used to. For the last five years, we have spent Mother's Day with our family of five, celebrating together. We don't have the chance to celebrate with the grandparents as there is one whole ocean between us. Sometimes I think of that time when there wasn't Skype or anything. It seems so far away. 

But I have built my own new traditions for Mother's Day. My kids are attending the same school since 2014 and this is the third Mother's Day when we are participating in their tradition - selling, assembling and delivering Brunch Bags to over 1000 mothers in the area. I have taken part in the assembly of the bags three times now. It starts at 6am in the morning and the bags are ready for delivery by 8am.

So, this Sunday, I wake up at 5:15. In the quiet house I prepare a tiny little cup of coffee, take a bite of a pretzel, and sneak out of the house at 5:55. The morning is rainy and a bit chilly but the people are smiling. Everyone is smiling. I enter the gym and find myself a spot at the assembly line. This year it's the rolls. After someone else has put in a jar of jam, some brie cheese and two croissants, I stick in two rolls on top of them and give the bag forward to the next person in line. It works perfectly and it is fast. In less than 90 minutes, 1400 bags are ready. Every time, I get impressed by the number of the bags that will be donated to women in need. It's amazing, and it's important.

I get back home, I need to be back by 9am as my husband is leaving for a business trip this morning. Because of that, we celebrated a bit yesterday, with a cake and beautiful gifts. My husband needs to go soon so there is no time for celebrating more in the morning and afterwards, we skype to grandmothers with the kids. "Hyvää äitienpäivää!" they yell through Skype. They can still say it in Finnish which is comforting. In the last two years, their Finnish has changed a bit - it sounds a bit funny, I must say.

Even though Mother's Day is full of everyday things, it is special. Moms are special. Far and near. On both sides of the ocean.

From my son,

I look at my kids and think what they will be, what they will achieve - like every mother does, I believe. If they will change the world? Who knows.

I know something. They have changed my world.

Puzzle

When I was studying, sometimes I got homework to do I didn't even know where to start. So I started with a part I thought I had some kind of idea and tried to solve it step by step, like a puzzle. At work, I had been given different kind of tasks and always, when it happened that I first didn't know what I should do - I used that same method. It made me feel I can do it, and I was confident with myself.

When it came to big choices in life, the puzzle was not always too easy. I understood that big things are not always clear, not this or that but something in between. There are a lot of things that you can't control, even if you'd like to. I learned that there are a lot of situations where it's just best to follow your feelings to be able to make the right choice. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't.

Little did I know about life.

My husband and I, we were given a precious little daughter, weeks too early. She was weak and so tiny, and she was fighting for life. I got to hold her on my lap the first time when she was five days old, and even though I was overwhelmed with the happiness, I also felt insecure and scared - really not confident at all. I did understand that we were supposed to take care of this tiny little girl, but at the same time we felt we didn't have a clue how we should do it.

So, we became parents of a premature baby. Suddenly, the life was happening at the hospital. We got used to many things, even started to feel confident with some of them, step by step.

But little did we know.

Two and a half years later, we became parents of twins. Having one toddler and two babies at home meant a lot to do, lack of sleep and days full of schedules. I might have tried to solve a puzzle again, piece by piece - but realized that this was a puzzle that I never really could solve. I was able to put some pieces on the right places but never had time to complete it all. Or something just came in between and I never really remembered I had ever started with it.

So little did I know.

But now I know more. I have realized that becoming a parent and the parenting itself, it is the biggest challenge of all. It is a task (well, multiple tasks) you want to accomplish the best possible way but it is a hard way to go. It means situations you had never thought you would see, it means things you never expected, it means getting it in control but losing it again. So often you think you know what is best and suddenly, you have no idea. 

But even though the difficult parts of the puzzle can make you feel desperate at times, a puzzle lover knows this, too: it is the journey you enjoy as well. Getting some pieces on the right places is good, too. And what else have I learnt? 

This one, that I'm working on, it is MY puzzle. And how much I enjoy it.

A Big Day

Listening to the silence around me. Going around and around in our house, like I never were there before. I don't even remember very well how I got there this time. I must have walked to my car, checked a dozen of times if my phone is with me, and driven back home.

I read the letter my daughter's teacher had written to the parents. Leaving your child at school on the first day, it is a big deal. It truly is. She wrote she had seen many parents sitting in their cars on the school's front yard on that first day - and crying. It is a moment when you realize that something has changed. It is a big day, and you will never forget it. You are so proud and happy, and at the same time you are worried and sad.

This morning, I woke up early. I was a little bit worried if we have enough time to get prepared, though, but we did it. Actually, we were among the first ones who arrived. Me and my kids, carrying three backpacks and three lunchboxes and three water bottles (and a whole bunch of other things) and trying to look brave. Well, to be honest, I think we looked more like confused.

But it started ok. And it went on ok. Had some moments when I nearly cried when I saw my four-year-olds crying. That's ok, you can cry if you think you need to. And then you cry and eventually, you stop crying. Easy to say, right.

I love this community where I now belong to. So many nice people asking if you're ok as they also know how this day is like. Yes, I'm ok. I just dropped my three kids off and I'm supposed to get over it. Yes, I will. But it takes a while. I talked to many who I knew already, and to many others as well. And they all seemed to know. Someone had really thought of us parents as there was coffee and snacks available around 9am. And shoulders to cry on.

What are you going to do when you get home?? - No idea, really. I had decided that I don't make any plans for today. I'll just see what comes across. I'll be ready to rush back to the school if needed. I'll just sit. I'll have lunch, alone (how should I do that?). And so I came home, wandered a bit around, listened to the silence. Had a lunch, and a cup of coffee on the porch under the hot September sun, and yes, did some cleaning and other housework, too. I needed to do something that would keep me away of thinking too much how they are doing at school.

I got three happy kids back. They had had some 'not-so-good' moments but, for the most part, it had been just ok. My son told me himself he had been crying because I wasn't there - but he was totally fine by that time when I arrived. My four-year-old daughter had done pretty well most of the day and my oldest one had been totally happy all day long. So far so good.

These little birds live next to us. The nest is so close to our dining room window that we can see it from inside. And today, really, TODAY, I saw they were just about to start the flying practice. They stood up in the nest and tried to spread their wings a bit. And I started to think that I really needed to see this today.

A Big Day.

Finland, here we come

It was almost three years ago. The whole experience we had when we moved away from Finland and arrived here where we are. Every summer, when it gets closer to July, I find myself thinking back to those days when it all started. A new start, that was it, truly. An adventure, waiting for us. And something we had dreamed of, as well.

Summer means Finland to me. To be exact, July means Finland to me. This is the third time we'll fly to our home country in July. By now, it feels like a tradition - it is the way how we spend July. There would be other ways to spend July, I'm sure. But I can't think of anything else, not for now.

As soon as the plane reaches the ground, I feel like home. Not that I wouldn't feel it here because I do. I really, really do. I really love Vermont, this is a wonderful place. But in Finland, you just get the feeling - because it is the country where you come from. And, to be honest, going there in July, is the best time of the year. At that time it's warm, usually. There is also something else in July that is very typical to Finland - it's like the whole country is closed because most Finns are on holiday (the weather factor, you see). If you need to run errands, it's complicated because many offices are closed. You shouldn't get sick in July - many of the medical care units can be closed. If you want to see a certain doctor - don't even try it in July. Even libraries might have shorter schedules in the summer (even though I think people would have more time to read...). And so on. And so on.

There is one funny thing that belongs very closely to every visit of ours and it is the Finnish food. The Finnish cuisine is not well-known as it doesn't include anything very special (I dare to say), it is more like simple food with simple ideas. It's fresh and it's good but it's not something I would desperately miss on the other side of the globe. True, I'll eat a lot of Finnish rye bread in July. I'll have the German-style quark with fresh berries, taste the delicious Finnish tomatoes, have Finnish-style sausages grilled at the barbecue. I'm sure I'll buy a huge cinnamon bun with an over-priced cup of coffee at a cafe. And yes, I'll drink too much coffee, like the most Finns do. All that I do like a lot but I can surely live without, as well.

I'll meet my Finnish family and many friends of mine who I've missed during the long winter. I'll tell all over again how the year has gone. I'll answer a hundred times to the same questions: How do you like it there? Will you come back to Finland some day? Do you miss Finland? Can your kids still speak Finnish? I'll laugh and tell how everything is good, I'll talk about this weird feeling that I have - not knowing where I'm going next but enjoying every minute of it.

But like the most of the Finns do, we'll also hide in a summer cottage for a while. Just enjoying the nature and wondering the light of the sun in the middle of the night. The land of thousands of lakes really shows its best in those nights. 

My son, a year ago in Finland.

P.S. Please, Mother Nature, give some warm weather to Finland as well. It hasn't looked very good lately. Though, I'm positive: last year the warm weather arrived in Finland with us. 

So, it's time.

Crazy little thing called love

I love the story of us.

I met you

and I knew I had found

I learnt to know you

and I knew I'd have all the support

I'd ever need

I wanted to share my dreams with you

and I realized they weren't just mine

Wherever the life takes us

I'm ready to it with you

Whatever it needs from us

I'm never ever afraid any more 

of anything it might bring

as now I have the courage

to live my life 

  

just like I always wanted to

Because

my life is not just mine

it's yours and mine and ours

And when one thing

brings you everything

It must be the crazy little thing

called love